So I hit two weeks alcohol free yesterday.
14 days without a drink.
I haven’t had a stretch this long without booze since 2018. That was my longest stretch since I started my drinking career and it lasted three weeks. Before that, I don’t even know, but I think I can safely say that it was before 1999.
I’m pretty stoked about this because I am still experiencing the pink clouds right now so it hasn’t really been too much of a struggle.
The first couple of days were pretty rough but once I started sleeping solidly through the night, I have been really digging this whole not drinking thing. I mean, not the act of not drinking, I still miss the act of drinking … what I am really enjoying is the lack of anxiety, the change for the better in my attitude (a few mini meltdowns for no reason aside), and being present, among other things.
The best thing out of everything though is waking up feeling rested. Waking up and not wanting to cry because I still feel so freaking tired. Waking up and immediately cracking a joke to my husband, who is so floored by the fact that I’m even coherent that quickly after waking. Normally, I am still in the monosyllabic phase of talking even after I’ve had my shower in the morning — putting together full sentences, let alone a joke, that soon after opening my eyes from slumber has just been unheard of for the last two decades!
So yeah, waking up in the mornings is no longer a horrific chore. I mean, would still prefer to sleep in, but I no longer need to bury my face under the covers and hope that somehow I miscalculated and that it is actually Saturday instead of Tuesday.
And dropping off to sleep lately has been a cake walk (I am not issuing a challenge universe! *cue me knocking wood*) and I couldn’t be more pleased. I’m working on a future entry based solely on sleep and my love/hate relationship with it over the years, so I will leave it at that for now.
I have had my emotional moments of course but they seem to be more fewer and far between than I remember them being back in 2018. They are present though and I do find myself flying off the handle into a fit of undeserved rage at the stupidest thing and dissolving into tears for no apparent reason, but as of right now the good things are outweighing the bad.
I know that these pink clouds are eventually going to wear thin. I know that there is so much more ahead than just sunshine and roses. I am unfortunately well aware of P.A.W.S. (Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) as I’ve only recently come off of that from ditching my anti-depressant after 20+ years.
While I tapered off that med (celexa/citalopram) for over a year, I was still hit with P.A.W.S for an additional year to various degrees. It’s not fun and I’m not looking forward to it.
So for now, I’m going to enjoy every little bit of these cotton candy clouds and keep going.